The annual birthday post.

i have recently been coming to grips with the gradual realization that, well, this is it. Which is to say, "this is who i am." The promise and plasticity of adolescence is long gone, and yet i had a hard time grasping that. The hope that tomorrow i will be cool, have more friends, like all the things that "everybody else" likes, is gone. despite my iconoclastic attitude i have harbored a desire to "fit in", and the recognition that there is nothing to "fit into" was slow in arriving. you do what you like to do, and you will (probably) find others who share your interest, along the way you meet people who don't and you may like them anyway. such is life.

i have never been one to blindly follow. i am stubborn, and plagued by suspicions that other people (particularly those in large groups) lack the ability to think for themselves. I will never be a sports fan, or view politics as anything but theatre (where you only boo or applaud, but NEVER participate). and that is who i am. i don't want to wear red and paint my face, drink beer, shout or any of the other things people do at sporting events. i am never going to be that person, no matter how i secretly wish i could be "part of the crowd".

i am not Cory, i cannot wear whatever i want and be cool. i also cannot wear what everyone else is wearing and be cool. we lie to children and tell them that what they wear doesn't matter, its what's inside that counts. we should tell them not to stick out too much and maybe they won't get picked on. (if you are having the conversation at all, the child does not fit in already). no outfit will make me irresistible to women (my wife included), or the envy of my peers.

i understand that we want to give kids the idea that they should strive to be the best they can be, and that they can accomplish whatever they set their mind to-its the american way. what we should tell them is to find something they like doing and try hard to make a living at it (don't specify what "a living" is it will only depress the artists) "i am what i am, and that's all that i am"to quote the 20th century philosopher popeye. i can only do what i know to do. for me that is talking a lot-most likely in a classroom. and even that has taken large amounts of time, effort and money to get to a position where that is possible.

at 31 i have created a nice rut for myself. i am not in my profession yet, but soon. i can see the rest of my life from here, it looks nice and mostly peaceful.

spoiler alert: i never do become a cowboy or an astronaut, but i do find a really good restaurant in china, i don't want to tell you where or it will get too busy before i get there.